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Benny Wilkinson

Just a Pal by Benny Wilkinson


Now I'm a Striker's Tom Cat
An er Colias scruffy pet,
Am tuff, am mean, en am clamin
But tha'll never see mi fret.
Am used tu kicks, frum boo'its
En sleep in art all neet
En am used to feightin yard dogs
When the try tu tek ore street.

The's no money left for tinned snap
En the's not much milk i'nt house
Av lost sum weight, bur am or-eight
En ar du enjoy er mouse
Av dun mi share er feightin
Wi big toms frum t' other yard
Ar kee-ap all birds oft garden
As fer she cats, treat em hard.

Nar fire grates, cowd en empty
It's not like it u-ased tu be
Ar miss mi kip, i'nt after-nooin
En et tee time, ger-art thee
Bur am er Striker's Tom Cat
En et mi gaffer's side al stay
En if ar thort hi'ad eight er mouse
Ad catch him three tu'day.

His all' us tret mi dee'sent
Just er friendly pat on't hee'ad
Ar rimembur neet, hi fetched mi hoo'am
When hi found mi muther dee'ad
En its sad tu see mi gaffer
Wi no fire, no snap, en broke
Bur ar know him, h'ill not gi in
En h'ill still find time tu joke.

Oh ar just wish ar cud tell him
Thet am proud tu be his Tom
En if wi clam, al never leave
This'al allus bi mi hom
Al rub mi noo as, up tu his hand
En al risk er sit, upon his knee
When er man's on strike, hi needs er pal
En Gaffer, tha's got ME.

(Written during the Miner's Strike 1984/85 and sold at lOp per copy in aid of the Miners' Relief Fund) .

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Just Er Lampoo'est by Benny Wilkinson


Its not much fun bee'in er lampoo'est 
Stud up like er gard on perade
Stuk on sum corner fer' ever
Er loo'an, en fed up, en man-made.

Er body er iron 'en concrete
Not carved arta sum fancy wud 
n am not much spe'shel tu luk et 
Oh, ad change mi'sen if ar cud.

Am stud thee'a in all kinds er wetha 
Ee'ther frossen, er waa'rm, er wet throo 
Es bare es er new babbie's bottom
Wi er cable wi power run'in throo.

Er target fer all er yer pet dogs
Who see'am tu tree'at mi es dirt
Er quick sniff er'arnd mi ernatomy 
Then er three legg' erd ertak wi er squirt.

Er rondervoo fer luvers en goo'ins on
En all ar can doo is just waa'tch
En am sure the dum know ar much it herts 
When the use mi tu strike er match.

Am ser' ounded wi moths im summer 
Dancin in frum er mi face
I ev' em gor and tu swat em
Nar tu mi that is er disgrace.

Ther gi mi er wesh ev'ry three munths 
En chek fer damige en wear
En sumtimes I act er bit ork'erd
Cos even er lamp needs er care.

The never ev' a care fer mi priv' ersy 
Stikin posters all ov'er mi frame 
En'a sign thet ses theet'y mile limit 
Ar must se, it gus ergenst grain.

Pestered wi yungens on late neetes 
Scree'amin en doo'in things wee'ad 
Cuverin mi all ore wi graffiti
En try'in tu ger'a bike tyre ore mi hee'ad.

Er landin strip, fer berds locul en for'in 
On any day er week yer will find 
Billin en coo'in en actin er'bart
En lee'vin the diposits behind.

Stopp'in er runerway coy'illlorry
Its all in er lamp'ooests job
Er be'in bombarded wi gret big stoo'ens
Frum sum howl in futball mob.

Am not er bit like mi Victorien an's esters 
Wi gas leete en waa'rm, en wi hart
En purr'in sum bodys bak gardin
Tu bi admired es fine pee'as er art.

Bur ar wor born ar rekon tu bi er lamp'ooest
So al stik tu war'a noo'a best
En when time cums fer mi leete to gu art
In the stree'ats er hev'en al rest.

 

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Night Pest by Benny Wilkinson


Na'r Charie en ivy, ed bin wed fifty years
En es workin class foo'ak, the'd bin ree'erd
En the yee'ers ed bin gud tu both the gud luk's 
except poor owd Charlie, ed got er bald hee'erd.

Na'r Charlie's bald hee'erd wer er favorite spot 
for er busy bluebottle, just in't middal er nete
En charue's bald hee'erd, wer es red es er roo' as
Frum hard slappin his hee'erd, et that bluebottle's feet.

Am gerrin fed up wi this, sed ivy in er rage
That bluebottle's antics, ar gud marrige will reck
En on Charlie's bald hee'erd, mansion polish did plaster that when 
landin that bluebottle, just mite brek his neck.

En by gum sure enuff, that polish did the trick
For he skidded on landin en fell in a heap
En soon tu Charlies bald hee'erd, normal culer returned en fer 
ferst time in weeks, he en ivy did sleep.

But that crafty bluebottle, wern't one tu bi licked 
en tu his mate the big hornet, all his trubals repeat
On ar hi wer injured, on them polished landins hid made then sed 
the big angry hornet, "al show em tuneat"

" w'ell just tri bi carful ", the bluebottle sed
"cos that polished bald hee 'erd, is er dangerus spot" 
"dunt worry" sed the big hornet, "wi my secret w'eapon 
that polish will melt, ita'l bi hota, the'n not'

So es charlie en ivy, lay in peace in their beds
Gud rid er that bluebottle, en thort nowt to bi fee'erd 
the big ugly hornet, thru the air vent made his way
En in er flash made er landin on Charlies bald hee'erd.

Sudenly Charlie let art er yell, thet ed wekon up dee'erd 
scremin "that rotten bluebottle, still ed'nt gon!"
Ses ivy, "just ar can that pest; land en hert thi polish bald hee'erd" 
"becos he's bin hoo'rm", Charlie yelled, " en pur his spiked boo'its on".

 

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On Love by Benny Wilkinson


'Av bin luckin et thee
En tha's bin luckin et me
Wiv bin luckin et each other
Ar wunder what the matter can be.

Tha's bin fancy'in me
En av bin fancy'in thee
Wiv ben fancy'in each other
Ar wunder what the matter can be.

Ar shall ev'ter kiss thee
En tha will ev'ter kiss me
We shall ev'ter kiss each other
Ar wunder what the matter can be.

Ar shall ev'ter wed thee
En tha will ev'ter wed me
We shall ev'ter wed each other
En that's thru luckin, deary me.

 

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Pony Tale by Benny Wilkinson


Mi ferst day et pit -To muck, sweat, en spit
Four et mornin int er gud time
Tu bi pur on er cage -Wi not many mi age
Then drop darn er shaft, tu coyil dust en grime.

Ar wer freetened en cowd, just foteen year owd
Es wi dropped like er stooan inta dark
Wi mi snap tin en lamp -En cloo'ers like er tramp
Well, ar new this wer ree'al -an no place tu lark.

Wi stopped wi er halt -En orl colliers made er bolt
Tu er spot wee'er erl coyil wer dug art
En ar wer left thee'a, -Int pit bottom full er fee'er
Es tu witch job int pit wer mi part.

Then er voice sharted, "Lad -cum ore hee'er en bi glad 
Av got thi er reight job tu du
Tha not do'in any skivin -tha goo'in pony drivin
En thaI ger arta pit, erbaght, just afta two!"

Then tu stables wi went -ant next hour hi spent
On tu arness mi pony fer werk
En tu ger him tu pull -big tubs wi coyil full
En tu mek sure hi never did shirk.

"So nar hee'ers thi hoss" -sed that pit bottom boss 
"En his name is big Wallice" hi sed
"En kee'ap him in sight-ces his lia'bal tu bite
En his got sum sharp tee'ath in his head."

N'ar Wallice wer grey -as ae cowd wintas day
En as stronge es three ponys er moo'er
En he'd pull tubs all day, en hi luved oats en hay
En hi never got tired, er soo'er.

En darn that dark oil -he'd pull tons er coyil
En hi new evry werd er command
En ar made him mi mate -en ar thort it wer great 
Tu drive best pit pony int land.

En frum that cowd morn, er frendship wer born
Evry shift wer er joy -never grim
En hi shared hafe mi snap -witch hi et frum mi cap
En ar luved evry minite wi him.

En just wunce er yee'er -hid bi le'raght no fee'er
Up pit tu gree'an fee'alds, fresh air, en sun
En hed kick, buck, en bite -en role ore wi di'light
En wen ar cor'lled just tu mi hi wud run.

En tu'gether wi stayed -till ar muved up er grade
Tu bi er collier wi er black face, fer sure
En ar bid him goodbye -wi er tee'er in mi eye
En ar pat on his hee'erd -NOTHIN -MOO'ER.

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That's Us by Benny Wilkinson


W'ier ar thar nar -them fond memr'ies er'far
Thet spring tu mi mind, in sum way
Wen Roy Rodgers wer king, en bas en haircuts the thing
En marbles wer match er the day.

Wen towd corlna shop, selt orlsoo'erts non stop
En boiled hamm used tu melt in yer mar'th
En luv'ly fires med wi coy'il, kettall en bath watt a boy'l
En er pegged rug wer pride er the har'th.

When mangals wer turned -en owt diff'rent spurned
En flat irons wer tested wi spit
En boo'its med er letha', cud keep art any wetha
En rentmen yer cud'nt art'wit.

Them long summer neetes, wen fooaks stud on streets 
Just torkin er gud things en't rest
En er joint bort fer Sundi, wud mek'ash on 
Mundi En't drippin fer snap wer the best.

Wen act'shuns bi nay'bors, stemmed bedfast's lost labor's
En muth'as donned pinnies best see'an
Er kids wi er werd, wer see'an en not herd,
En er belt if thi lugoils wer'nt clee'an.

Wen collias wi duddlies, -kissed wives in quick cuddlies Es pit buzzas did waa'rningly scree'am
Day shift knocker ups, upsets wippets wi pups
En lakers wer notched fer er dree'am.

Lovely hooam med bred, jam tarts blushin red
En Sundi tea, wer a family er'cayshun
Live bands fer dancin -en baks fer romancin
Though er ring tuk er bit er persway'shun.

Hand mi darn cloo'ers, Christmas carolin at doo'as 
Day excurshuns wer allus on shanks
En fer just hafe er crarn -yed eva gud neet on't tarn 
En pictures were waa'tched frum ard planks.

Wen crammed Witsun floo'erts, wer painted brite coo'erts,
En new togs wer worn fer fest time
En wen owd Hitlar thretened, on ar spirit hi'ed not rekened
En mi thorts on that daft sod dunt rime.

Wen medals ev bin wun, bi heroes deeds dun 
En lost uns remembured, no fear.
En if sombody shud ask, worra thort er ar past 
Ad just answer, am reight proud to live heea.

 

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The Head by Benny Wilkinson


Nar Tom's wife MEG were expectin
It were first en shee'd hoped fer er boy 
En wen shi wer rushed tu hospital waa'rd 
Owd Tom did er dance er joy
Hi wer sumond tu waa'rd by docta. 
Whose face wer all wurried en red
Ses he well nar thara faather
But thi bab'y is nowt bur er hed
Owd Tom luked, ashen en sheken
Yet Meg luked happy en fine
Shi held little head er close tu her heart 
En wispered ee tha funny but tha mine 
Owd Tom picked head up reight; gental 
En ses by gum tha dus luk like me 
Little head gid er quik little giggle
Ses Meg he's teken tu thee.

They tuk head hoo'am that Munday
En er party for famly did a range
Laft Meg wee'll not need er crisinin gown 
Ses Tom en no nappies tu change
Now er name fer head wer puzzlin
Ses Meg ad like sumthin steady
Ses Tom amused, well Edward is art
We'll finish up callin him Eddy
So the settled on callin him Billy
En et his cristening tears did flow
So Meg en Tom saved er fortune on cloo'as 
But on hankies their muny did go.

Na'h young Billy started et schoo'il
En wer gud et English en Art
Owd Tom used tu laff, when readin reports
Ses Meg, well he's got er hee'ad start 
Na'h birthdays were allus er problem 
En presents tu choo'is caused er flap 
En poor little Billy blew his top
When they bort him ernother new hat.

Na'h Meg en Tom went tu seaside 
En enjoyed fish en chips for their tee 
But little Billy cried his eyes art 
Cos hi cudnt ever paddle int see 
Little Billy wer er target fer jokers
En tu torments wud show his defience
Then one day in er temper hi really went crackers 
When they sharted leave thi body tu sciencc
Ev course the were all soo'ats er problems
But Billy wer'nt one tu complain
Fer hevin no body ed sum good points
Cos hi never gor hurt playin games
Et eighteen hi tuk up smokin
It see'amed tu give him more zest
Sez his dad its not very harmful
Fer the's no way tha'll gera bad chest
N a 'h little head didnt like drinkin
It wer barley waa'ta wi his mate Sidney
Till they both fell art, thru sumthin the sed
It wer probably its gud fer thi kidneys.


In his dads arms one neet darn et fish-shop 
The wer er feight en hellova din
En little Billy wer enjoyin it all
Till sumbody sharted put head in.

One day hi wer listnin tu wirelless
En ont air there came er news flash 
That er falmous English footballer
Ed got very bad hurt in er crash
En news report went on futher
Thet poor chap wer'nt far frum dead 
En the only way the cud save him
Was on him to transplant er new head 
Et this young Billy's eyes lit up
It wer great news fer poor little soul 
He imagined his sell darn et Wembley 
In England shirt nodding int goal
So hi got straight in touch wi hospital 
En hi offered his head tu their boss 
Who sed its er toss up if wi can save him 
If it cums darn heads tha 's wun toss.

Nah operation wer very successful
En Billy's mam en dad wer reight proud 
En wen hi cum runnin art et Wembley 
They wer reight int middlc er crowd 
Billys football got better en better
En England team he then proudly led 
Hi got fifty goals in er season
Oh! en he scored everyone wi his HEAD.

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The Note by Benny Wilkinson


Dear Santa -am real glad -Christmas es cum
Well er year -Is er long time tu wait
Chimney's bin swept -en fire's bin per-art
En av left thi er mince pie -on er plate
Mi mam's weshed mi stockings -nice en cle'an
En av stretched em er bit -al confess 
Cos the's all soo'erts er things -ad like thi tu bring
But then al settle fer owt -ar guess.

Dunt let thi raindeas -du the bisnas on roof
Well -italluk arta place er'mongst snow
En dunt knock eny sut darn -cos carpit's brand new
En ar Hoover's refusin to go
Av ed ludo -en leggo en er robot that walks
But nar the orl finished en dun
Ooo ! ad like er computer -er summat real nice
Like er lass from page three -er the Sun.

It allus bee'ats me -er bloke et thy age
Ken ger-up en darn chimneys ser quick
A'mean mi grandad's thy age -bur he carn't walk far
Unless its tu pub -wi his stick
Ar wud like er bike -Nar that wud bi grand
Er B -M -X -en painted bright blue
Bur if tha car'nt ger'it darn chimney -alleave thi a pen
En er cheque fer its price -will do.

Please dunt tread ont cat -like tha did last year
Cos it esnt gor or it yet
Oh -en if tha car'nt get bak up chimney -use bak doo'er
Cos wiv just painted front -en am sure it's still wet
Dunt think am greedy -but I am very fond
Of spice en milk chocolet -reight sweet
En can tha please bring mi mam -er big box er anadins
Cos shi seems tu ev headache -et bedtime each nete.

Tha'l notis ar tree -its artifishal not rea'l
Well them needles -ge'r orl or place
En please dunt touch letes -the er little bit wonky
Cos -mi aunt mabel forgot -En shi's sumwea in space
Well that just erbart it -cos mi bedtime is hee'er
Oh! en am dropin tu sleep -that's fer sure
En ar think thet mi dad's -after same job es thee
Cos his er suit just like thine -hung behind wa'rd robe doo'er.

 

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Think Agee'an by Benny Wilkinson


Nar one day et scoo'il er long time ergooa
Er new techer er'ived, posh torkin en smart
He'd cum up frum south, er sum uther locashun 
En er'mongt us wa'arm lads, hi didn't luk part.

Well hi go'r on er'baght Yorkshur al'mooest non stop 
Enon'y thing, er'baght Yorkshur wor its coyil
En hi tried tu impress us, wi'd bi far better off
If coyil see' ams below, wer rich lakes er oil.

Well his werds got mi bak up, ar must confess 
Runnin darn Yorkshur, hi'd made that reight clear 
So ar jumped up en sed, if that dunt think wiv gor oil 
Just opp'en thi lug'oils en al tel thi wee' ar.

Cos wiv got chip oil, hen oil, en coyil oil fer coyil 
En the's oftun oil en es boo'its en socks
Then the's pigin oil, en pig oil, sneck oil, en fly oil 
En key oil thet's handy fer fittin in locks.

En wot erbaght ee'er oil, cake oil en't bung oil
En oil thet rabbit runs throo
Ent lace oil, ent sump oil, en sleeve oil, ent too er oil 
Ent drain oil wen blocked ken cor'se such er doo.

Then the's grate oil, dooer oil, en gate oil ers well 
En oil thet turns yella in't snow
Then the's pot oil, but wi'er yer never ken tell 
En't arm oil, en neck oil, wi' a thi hee' ads es tu go.

Then thes fire oil, en door oil, en dust bin oil, ar! 
En the's plug oil in't middel er sink
En the's en oil, thet shud never ever bi erfar
En its en oil thet wi orl use, just sit en think.

So next time tha starts runnin owd Yorkshur darn 
Cos iv gor oil, en av made that reight clear
En befoo'er ar sit darn, av just one thing tu se 
That oil meks mi reight proud to live hee'er.