Bert Greensmith

Christmas Party by Bert Greensmith

Since wiv moved inta ar nu ouse
A feel that thet int much doin
Av finished gardin an tidied up
An wi doant do a lota bill-an-cooin

Wife sed "Wots ta barn ta do terday
Tha luks ta bi reight fed up
That wastin away just doin nowt
Sither - tek a luk"

Shi pull'd a paper artat drawa
An sed "it nobert cum tutha day
A doant naw oose sent it
Bur its sumdi called U.3.A."

"Weh - that's funny' A sed
'Ar did the ger ar name'
"Nay" shi sed "A sent it em
Ta see if it wor all at the claim"

"Thes alsooarts ere fer thi ta do
Sa long as thar well an arti
Tha can gu ta Ossitt an tork brooad if tha wants
An the even ev a Christmas party"

Ooh - a party A thowt, A mun ev suma that
Thats summat thats reight up mi street
If a purra cleen collar on an polish mi booits
A mile gerra woman fert neet

Soa A rung a bloke up, Len Wilde wor is name
E sed eed started this dialect caper
An wy dint a gu an luk fer missen
It wor Len ooed ritten int paper

A sez "Armny's tha gor i thi groop then owd lad"
E sez "0 wi ger 18 er 20 thru t'door
Lets see - thes Odri, Rus, Alis, Doris an Jon
A wunt bi capped if the wont a few mooar"

A thowt A mun get missen ova theear reight away
Tint often A ev enny luk
Th,'ll a bin scrattin an scrapin an savin alt year
An A'll bet ther'll bi plenty ta sup

So A went ova theear, ee it wor a long way
An A wor feelin reight 'ale-an-arti
But beleev it er not, it wor rong dam day
An A went-n-mist B….. party

Len Wilde by Bert Greensmith

A' wor both cap't, n darn aerted when Joyce sez ter mee,
Ezta ee'ard abart Len!! Well a thowt summat ed ap'nd t'thee,
"Nowe" shi sez "eez been ere ten years, an am just ringing you,
ta say, wea'ar gerrin together, an geein im a doo".

A'thowt, wor a grand idea, thats a reight nice thowt,
bur a 'ope ther noo'an expectin me geein thi owt,
its not thar a doo'ant like thi, N'owe, a' like thi a lot,
bur its daft geein fowk summat, oo'ev mooar na youve got.

So a' sat misen darn t'get t'oss affoar t'cart,
the wor nowt much ont telly, an t'wife ed gone art,
A' sez na cum on Bert lad, ther'l be expectin sum wit,
So a' cum up wi this poem for thi, a hope tha likes it.

Ya no ya can write darn nice words, wiart feelin a 'clart head',
Cos ass'l nivva forget, it wor thee oo' got mi started.
Tha see's a poem sez wor a wont, wi'art goin ova t'top,
An a' wrote it for thee, cos tha can't buy one in a shop.

Na, sum a yer mite think yer'v ed enuf wi im,
an ta contemplate much longer, meks ya feel a bit grim,
But yer'l be happy ta know, an sympathise when ya hear,
that sum poo'ar sods pur up wi im fer eighty od year.

Bur a'l drink to yer health 'Len', an another ten year,
An next time a 'ope tha brings summat beter ner beer,
So here's to thee an thi kinfowk, an dooant get thisen riled,
(like thi name seems t'suggest) here's to an old friend, Len Wilde.

Mi Secret Luv by Bert Greensmith

Ferst time mi eez leeted on 'er
A fell i' luv wi 'er streight away
A dint say owt ter mi missis
Cos A knew the'd bi all 'ell to pay

Ser nah shiz mi secret luva
Ter me, shiz a reight grand lass
A wor bahn ter run off wi 'er wun day
Ber A doant think she ez enuff brass

'Er, 'usband orlus tells mi abart 'er
Ah shi luvs mi an' shi giz 'im all t'patter
A doant think iz gor all 'is chairs at 'ooam
Iz as slack as a yard a pump watta

'E cum ter mi tutha day an' sez
"Shiz bin askin' abart thi again"
'E naws ther it mecs mi 'art flutter
lvry time sumdy mentions 'er name

Ee, if oni A dare ask 'er ta leev 'im
'And in 'and thru t'world wi cud rooam
But as A sed afooar, shi ent got much brass
So A think A'll bi betta off at 'ooam