Fred Hirst q-z

Fred Hirst

Seven Looahves An' Fishes by Fred Hirst

Jesus went up inta mahntans an' sat dahn theer
An' t' crahds came up ta 'im from ivveryweer.
The' browt sick an' blind an' some wo lamed,
Deeahf an' dumb an' afew that wo maimed.

Jesus 'ed 'em wonderin' w'en 'e made dumb fowk talk.
The' wo capped w'en them 'at wo lame stahrted ta walk.
'is 'ands wo laid on t' blind an' be'old the' cud see.
A flabbergasted crahd shahted, "God we worship thee."

Jesus wo bothered 'cos t' crahd 'ed been aht for three days,
The'd 'ev ta 'ev summat ta eyt afooahr gooin' the'r awn ways.
T’ disciples thowt 'ah can 'e feed 'em wi'aht onny breeahd?
Surely 'e must be mad, 'e can't be reight in 'is 'eeahd.

Jesus said, "Gooah find aht 'ah many looahves we've got."
The' came back an’ said, "Seven looahves, some fish, not a
lot."
'e then telled 'em all ta sit dahn weer the' wor, on t' grahnd.
Ther' wor enuff for all on 'em, 'e'd mak it gooah rahnd.

Ivvery bit o’ food wo blessed an' 'anded aht until
Nooahbody wor 'ungry an' the'd all ed ther fill.
Four thahsend men women an' bairns saw a miracle that day.
Kneelin', the' prayed. Jesus blessed 'em an' sent 'em on the'r way.

Spendin'Mi Saturday Penny by Fred Hirst

Ivvery week mi Mam gives me mi Saturday penny.
It burns a 'oil i' mi pocket, t' ways ta spend it ahr many,
Ah've ta be careful that Ah dooahn't miss aht on owt 'at's new,
Ah neeahrly allus finish up wi' summat ta suck or chew.

Mint 'umbugs, mint imperials ahr allus a bit too 'ot,
Nah aniseed balls ahr alreight becos tha gets a lot.
Yorksher mixtures ahr on top o' t' shelf in a gret big jar,
Many a time Ah've a sneeahkin' fancy for a toffee bar.

A gob stopper or two will certainly keep me i' toit,
Cough spice an' lozenges cause a tickle at back o' mi throit.
Kahli in a yeller packet, it fizzes as Ah suck it throo spanish
Nah Ah nivver 'ev chocolate on mi list, it's very quick ta vanish.

T' shopkeeper sometimes gets nattered 'cos Ah can't mak up mi mind,
But w'en ther's a lot o' choice it's 'ahrd ta decide w'ich kind.
Ah'll 'eva change, Ah'll buy misen some chewin' gum for today,
W'en mi jaws ache, Ah'll save it, it's a shame ta throw it away.

Summat Ta Talk Abaht by Fred Hirst

Ahr Liza wor allus bothered abaht fowk talkin',
She said the' looked at thi feet w'en aht walkin'.
It wor a regulahr thing ta tak a walk on a Sunday neet
An' ahr Liza wo worried abaht t' booits Ah 'ed on mi feet.

Ah said, " It’s ta'en a long time ta say the're not reight,
Ah've 'ed 'em a number of yeeahrs, seven, possibly eight.
Come ta think abaht it, it took me a w'ile ta brek 'em in,
Three months, an' t' dooahr 'oil wor as fahr as Ah'd been."

She kept natterin' sooah Ah said, "wot s'all Ah do."
She looked at me an' smiled, "Tha'll look better in a shoe."
On Sat'day afternooin we'll gooah ta shop an' try on a pair.
Tha'll be ever sooah much smahrter w'en tha's shoes ta wear."

T' shopkeeper asked wot kind of shoe would we like ta try.
Ahr Liza said, "A pair of brogues would be best ta buy."
W'en asked wot size, Ah said,"Ah've allus 'ed an eight."
Ah think Ah'd better mak' sure that the' fit reight.

Ah made up mi mind after Ah'd tried a few pairs on.
"The'll do," Ah said an' ahr Liza's e'en fair shone.
"W'en termorrer neet comes an' we gooah aht walkin',
It'll be abaht thi new brogues the'll be talkin'.

T’ Lass Next Dooah by Fred Hirst

Ah nivver tuk much gaum o' t'lass next dooah
Last neet Ah saw 'er as Ah'd nivver done afooah
Ah 'edn't nooaticed 'er growin' up yeeah by yeeah
Nah she, looked real smashin' just standin' theeah

'Er een shinin' blue, t'air rings wi' 'er laughter
Mebbe she's grown up an' a sweet'aht she's after
'Air cascadin' dahn to 'er shoulders is 'oney blond
She's a pretty young lass of whom Ah cud be fond

All mun play mi cahds reight an' not freeten 'er away
Treat 'er casually, say 'owdo an' pass t'time o' day
After a while Ah cud pluck up courage an' tak 'er a walk
She might goa wi' me inta pahk, sit on a seat an' talk

'Ahr often s'all Ah tak 'er 'ooam afooah Ah kiss 'er goodneet
Ah can't wait ta see, 'er lips luk soa invitin' an' sweet
Flappin' abaht 'll do nowt, All mun try ta mak a staht
Mebbe Ah owt ta ask 'er faather if Ah cud tak 'er aht

Writin' a nooat cud possibly be mi chance
Ah cud pop inta t'Church 'all an' ask 'er for a dance
Ah suppose Ah s'll ev ta mak mi mind up an' do it this way er
that
She may pur an' end ta all mi wishful thinkin' an' turn me dahn
flat

T'West Riding Alphabet by Fred Hirst

A is for agate............sooah let's get stahrted
B is for brass............this an' a fooil is sooin pahrted
C is for cauf..............licked w'en thi 'air weern't lig dahn
D is for donnin' up....w'en tha bahn inta tahn
E is for eytin.............sittin' dahn for a maeahl
F is for flaidon.........a goohast, or summat not reeahl
G is for gabbin'........ovver ti gahrden wall
H is for 'eigh up.......for summat that's tall
I is for 'igg...............w'en thahr' mad an' loises thi rag
J is for jiggered.......w'en tha wants ta rest an' eva fag
K is for kahli...........that fizzs w'en mixed wi' watter.
L is for lip...............can be owd buck or even clatter
M is for mangle.......that tha used for wringin' clooahs
N is for neb.............a word that some fowk use for nooahs
O is for 'owd on......meeahns steady up, or eva rest
P is for pahrkin.......w'en etten on bonfire neet it's best
Q is for quack.........a doctor whose medcin is queer
R is for rooahd........if tha follers it, it'll tak the' someweer
S is for slack...........a name for reight fine coil
T is for throng.........w'en tha does nowt but toil
U is for umpteen......can be used for a lot or many
V is for vixen...........cud be as crafty as any (A.S. fyxen)
W is for wade..........wot tha does w'en tha's a fooahrd ta cross (A.S. wadan)
Y is for yahrd...........it's three feet if tha wants proof (A.S gyrd)
Z is for zax................used for cut tin' tiles; for a roof?(A.S seax)

The Bald Man’s Lament by Fred Hirst

0n ivvryone's body ther' is plenty of 'air
Maybe tha can’t see it, especially if tha's fair
‘air under mi ahrmpits is likely ta get wet
Becos in 'ot eather that's weer Ah allus sweat

Like cooacooa mattin is t’air on mi chest
Sooah thick Ah dooahnt even need ta wear a vest
Ah’ve tufts of 'air on mooahst o' mi tooahs
An' Ah've even got some growin up mi nooahs

A moustache covers neeahrly all mi top lip
'air grows i' mi lugs w'ich sometimes Ah've ta clip
It's growin on mi ahrms, an' t'back o' mi 'and
On mi shoulders an' dahn mi back is a narrow band

Ah've e'e lashes ta keep t'dust aht o' mi e'e
‘air on mi leg from mi ankle up ta mi knee
Ther' ahr sidebooahrds qrowin' dahn mi jaw
That keep mi face wahrm w'en t’weather's raw

Ah've got 'air growin in places too rude ta mention
Ah dooahnt wish ta offend, that's not mi intention
By the way, Ah neeahrly forgot mi van Dyke beeahrd
But one thing Ah can't do is grow 'air on mi ‘eeahd

The’ve Cloised T’Mill by Fred Hirst

Taday ivvrything is quiet, all t'machines ahr still
For yesterday wo t'day w'en the' shut up t'mill
Nooah mooahr will t'same six bi early an' stand an' wait
‘til neet watchman gets aht 'is keys ta oppen t'gate

Nooah longer will t'lasses come walkin dahn t'street
The'r shrill voices mixin wi' t'clatter o' the'r feet
Singly an' i' twos an threes, others i' little bands
Mooast on em wi snap baskets i' the'r 'ands

T’large letters wo painted i' gilt, "Mathew Wood"
T'name ahtstandin on t’gate nah cloised for good
Nooah mooar will smooak rise from t’chimley stack
All t'wahrkers ev gone, the'll not be comin back

T'looms ahr all silent nooah mooar t'familiahr clatter
Ye'll nivver ageeahn 'eear t'weyvers as the' chatter
Incomin lorries ev stopped bringin in t'bales
Ahtgoin ones nooah longer tak cloth aht for t'sales

I’ t’twenties, t'unemployed stood i' little bands
Taday computerisation brings nowt but idle ‘ands
Mill cloisures bring nowt but 'ahrtache an' sorrer
‘ah can we be sure of a future, wot of termorrer

Terday’s Young Women by Fred Hirst

Ah've some grandowters growin' inta young women ivvry yeeahr
Mi wife an' me ahr a bit worried abaht 'em gerrin' theeahr
The can't compare 'em ta wot wife wo w'en she wor a lass
Ther rigahts amaze me, the' seem to be as brazzen as brass

If tha gooahs inta a pub tha'll see 'em sittin theer
It'll be a pint the'r evvin if the're suppin beer
The'll not bi freetened o' payin i' the'r turn
It make me wonder wot sooaht o' money the' can earn

I' my day lasses ed ta be in by ten, neet in an' neet aht
Nah at ten o'clock. pubs empty an all t'discos stahrt
W'en tha saw a lass an' lad tergether tha thowt abaht a weddin'
Nah ther livin tergether not knowin w'ich way the're 'eadin

Some o' theahs 'appenins mak me feel reight sad
A lot o' today's bairns doant knaw the'r Dad
Ah know we've cause ta worry but not ta interfere
Not evvin two Grandads an Grandmas seems reight queer

Things Alter by Fred Hirst

Ivverything is further away than it used ta be.
T' print i' t' newspaper is mooahr difficult ta see.
It seems that t' distance is longer ta bus stop,
Steps seem ta get steeper as tha gets nearer ta top.

It's a lot 'ahrder ta bend dahn ta tee a booit lace,
Tha can't remember ta put things I’ t’ reight place.
Gettin' donned up an' 'evvin' a sock inside aht,
Fowks straightenin' thi collar; wot's fuss abaht.

Sittin' it low chairs, evvin' problems tryin' ta rise,
Meetin fowk ‘oo say 'ello, fowks tha doesn't recognize.
Evvin' company an' faintly 'eeahrin' " 'e's fallen asleep"
Takkin' care w'en gooin' dahn steps that seem sooah deep.

Gerrin' on a bus an' loisin' thi balance w'en it stahrts.
'evvin' ahrthritis an' waitin' ta get some new pahrts.
Life's full o’ problems w'en tha gerrin' on i' yeeahrs,
Sooah tak it eeahsy, let all critism fall on deaf eeahrs.