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Fred Hirst

Mary Ann's Flags by Fred Hirst

Mary Ann's Saturday mornin's wahrk wo neeahrly throo,
She'd only gorr 'er windersills an' 'er flags ta do.
'er windersills wo weshed an' edged wi' scahrin' that wo w'ite,
T' flags wo weshed an' then the' wo ruddled, the' 'ed ta be right.

She then spread an owd sack aht in front o' t' dooahr,
Tha cudn't go i' t' 'ouse wi' booits 'at muckied flooahr.
T’sack 'ed a stooahn et each corner ta stop it blawin' away,
Nooahbody cud walk on Mary Ann's dooahrs'ns until after Sunday.

Then she went ta mahrket for vegetables an' some meyt,
After all tha'd ta 'ev summat i' t' 'ouse ta eyt.
W'en she came back 'ooam she neeahrly 'ed a fit,
Dog's paw mahrks on 'er flags, Who'd believe it?

Cookin' t' joint sooin next day, she put t' booahn ahtside on a plate,
Booahn wo for t' dog; then she sat dahn behind curtains ta wait.
T' dog grabbed booahn, dropped it an' stahrted ta sneeze, away it ran,
Lots of pepper 'ed won t' day, nooah mooahr mucky flags for Mary Ann.

 

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Mi Grandma by Fred Hirst

Mi Grandma sits in an' owd rockin' chair
She's a wrinkled face an' wispy w’ite ‘air
She allus calls me Grandmam's little boy
Ta sit on 'er knee is mi favourite joy
She recites ta me lots o' nurs'ry rhymes
Some of which she 'as told me many times
Of 'umpty Dumpty an' 'is very great fall
An' of jolly giants oo ahr ten feet tall
Jack 'orner in 'is corner wi 'is pie
Another Jack climbs 'is beanstalk ta t'sky
Mi Grandmam talks abaht Alladin an' 'is lamp
Sometimes she calls me 'er little scamp
After a w'ile w'en mi e'es begin ta close
She sez it's time we booahth 'ed a little doze

 

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Mi New Suit by Fred Hirst

W'it Sunday wor one o' t' best days i' t' yeeahr,
W'en ivvery child 'ed ta 'ev summat new ta weeahr.
Mi Mam bowt me mi first new suit, she done me prahd,
Ta get t' money for it, mi Dad must 'ev wahrked 'ahrd.

W'en tha gor a new suit, it 'edn't ta be a tight fit,
It 'ed ta last the' all throo t' yeeahr, 'til next W'it.
Trahser legs an' sleavs 'ed 'ems that cud be let aht,
Mi Mam did theeahs alterations, mi suit looked smart.

Dressed in a stiff collar an' a striped red an' blue tie,
Grey stockin's an' booits, Ah saw a teeahr i' mi Mam's eye.
On W'it Sunday mornin', ivverybody ta church 'ed ta gooah,
Ah felt a bit queeahr, Ah'd nivver been aht in a suit afooahr.

I' mi breast pocket, mi Mam purr in a penny for luck
An' for t' sermon she gave me some mintoes ta suck.
After t' service, Ah 'ed ta visit.friends an' relations
An' Ah'd ta stand still 'til the'd made the'r observations.

Ah'd it all written dahn, Aunt Lizzie, number one,
Then across t' rooahd ta see owd Mrs Robinson.
Ther' wo uncle Pete, Aunt Elsie an' lots mooahr,
Ah'd ta visit 'em all, knockin' on ivvery dooahr.

Ivverybody 'ed all been in except mi Uncle Sam,
W'en Ah'd been rahnd, Ah dashed 'ooahm ta mi Mam.
The'd all been generous, Ah cahnted mi brass wi' a smile,
Ah reckon it 'ed all been very much worth mi w'ile.

 

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Movin' For T' Last Time by Fred Hirst

'es thee an' t' wife thowt abaht movin' or ahr yer content?
Would yer like a bungalow, a flat or a furnished appahrtment?
'ev yer 'ed a look at t' names on t' gate or ovver t' dooahr,
yer'll ger a surprise at some on 'em, that's for sure.

"Thistledo", ah's that for a name, unusual dun't ta think?
Wot abaht "Poo Corner", kids walk by sayin' "Wot a stink".
"Chez Wen", has its owner got a well stocked bahr?
Is "Ive Dun Now" an apt name after roamin' neeahr an' fahr?.

"Snyceea" on an ivy covered cottage ovver lookin' t' dales,
"The gooseberry Bush" a midwife's 'ouse if we believe tales.
"Ben Dova" could 'ev been memories for a lonely Scot,
But no, it was an 'eeahdmaster's 'ouse, 'e used t' cane a lot.

"Dun Cukkin" could be for a chef 'at's recently retired,
"Drop In," its river view is summat that can be admired.
Be very careful w'en pickin' yer final abode,
Choose a friendly area 'at's not too fahr dahn t' road.

 

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On Thi Bike by Fred Hirst

'es ta ridden thi bike 'ooahm on a windy neet,
Blawin' i' thi face an' beltin' it dahn wi' sleet.
'es ta stood on thi pedals tryin' ta mak it gooah
An' es ta walked, sayin' tha'd nivver ride na mooahr.

'es ta ta'en off thi cape becos t' wind wo too strong
An' 'es thi dinner gone cowd 'cos it took the' so long.
'es ta struggled i' t' rain, wet throo like a dishclaht?,
Wodn’t it grand wen tha could grab a tow at back on a cahrt?

'es ta tugged thi een aht w'en ther's been six inch o' snaw,
W'en pedallin' wo sooah 'ahrd it made the' puff an' blaw?
'es ta come a cropper w'en ice covered all t' rooahd
An' walked up t' 'ills wi' legs as stiff as a booahrd?

Did ta gooah for a ride i' t' country i' t' summer sun.
It in't sooah bad w'en tha rides thi bike just for fun.
Many ahr t' couples that 'ev gone tergether for a ride,
Manya lass 'es said yes w'en asked ta become a bride.

 

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Pay Day by Fred Hirst

Gerrin' up wo different on a Friday
It wo t' best day o' t' week 'cos it wo pay day.
At t'end o' t' shift tha went ta office for thi brass,
It wor a great pleasure ta purr it on table for ahr lass.

She wor allus sat ageeahn t' fire in 'er rockin' chair,
Donned in a cleeahn pinny an' a slide in 'er 'air.
W'en Ah'd got weshed we sat dahn at table for us dinner,
If tha guessed it wo meyt an' tahty pie tha'd be a winner.

After dinner, ahr lass, wi' pencil an paper she'd write it dahn,
'er first item wor allus t' rent, it wor awf a crahn.
Then ther wo t' rates an' summat for t' grooahcry bill,
T' doctor, 'e 'ed ta be paid for w'en tha wor ill.

T' butcher 'ed ta , ‘ev 'is share, wot we'd ticked for meyt,
First things first, we'd allus ta 'ev summat ta eyt.
T' packy man wanted payin' for bringin' us clooahs,
Stuff thru' 'im wo deeahr, tha'd allus ta pay thru t' nooahs.

She allus 'ed ta 'eva copper for t' bairns for spice,
It took 'em ages afooahr the' fon' summat nice.
After dolin' it all aht ther' wo nivver much left for 'ersen,
W'en it cem rahnd ta Monday we sud all be skint agen.

 

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Pettigrew Sends ‘em Packing by Fred Hirst

It wor abaht ahf past six wen the' landed
I' fahmer Brewster's field the' wor stranded
Still dahk wen the' dropped wi leets sooah breet
Bill Potter saw 'em, 'e'd bin pooachin' i' t'neet

Bill gor 'iddy an' watched 'em cum aht
Ferst cum dahn t'steps an' stahted ter shaht
"Anyone there? It's your leader I want to see"
"A'm off" sed Bill "That's enuff fer me"

Straight ta "Bobby" Pettigrew's 'ouse 'e flew
'E wor sure that T'Bobby 'ud knaw wot ta do
"Bobby" Pettigrew din't like callin' aht o' bed
Ta mak things lawful 'e pur 'is 'elmet on 'is 'ead

"Nah then, wot seems ta be t'bother, tell me Bill"
"A space ship, it's landed i' t'cloise, just ovver t'ill"
"Bill, it's too sooin i' t'mornin' for fun an' games
If ther's owt gooin on, tha'll ev ta gi' me names"

"Ah twigged it as abaht mi business Ah wo gooin'
It dropped inta field dahn t'other side o' t'loin"
"Ah'll ev ta get missen donned an' cum wi thee ta see
Wot this is all abaht, it seems a bit queeah ta me"

"Bobby" Pettigrew wo capped wen 'e oppened t'gate
Trespassin' i' fahmer Brewster's cloise wodn't reight
An alien cem aht an' 'e spread 'is ahms aht wide
'E stepped forrahd "Take me to your leader" 'e cried

"P.C. Pettigrew, t'West Ridin' Police" t'Bobby sed
"We can't ev yer landin' 'ere", wi a shek ov 'is 'ead
"Trespassin' i' fahmer Brewster's cloise, wot will 'e say?"
"Sooah get yersen back inside, bi shihp an' tak it away"

 

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Pride O’ Place by Fred Hirst

Bill Tett's onions ed nivver won a prize i’ t’ village show
This year 'a bowt special seed, 'e cudn't wait ta see 'em grow
The' cost 'im a packet, mooahr than Bill could reeally thoil
'e wo sure the'd pay 'im back for 'is labour an' 'is toil

Bein' very thrifty, 'e sowed 'em one bi one in a tray
'is wife Martha sed ‘e wor allus chuckin 'is brass away
Watchin' 'em ivvry day, 'e saw the's tiny leeaves brek through
Nineteen aht o’twenty seeds wodn't bad, it'd ev ta do

Ther' wo plenty o’wahrk preparin' is onion bed
Purrin inta practice wot e'd 'eeahred an' wot e’d read
It wo back brekkin, diggin a trench three spades deep
'is neighbours wo capped an' kept evvin a little peep

The' turned up ther nooahs a bit w'en the' sniffed 'is manure
‘is peggy tub full o' liquid feed stunk like an' oppen sewer
'e med sure ta stick ta rules an' plant 'em nine inch apahrt
Covered 'em ovver wi clotches ta keep t’snaw an' t'frost aht

Bill looked after em like bairns as 'e watched 'em grow
‘til the wo perfect, ready for a place i' t'show
‘e trimmed 'em, weighed e'm, ‘e wo sure 'at the wo' t’best
T’judges ed nooah bother separatin' 'em from t’rest

Ten pahnds, Bill won an' 'e spent it all on summat ta sup
‘is wife wodn't suited w'en 'e staggered in ‘uggin ‘is cup
"Ah’ll purr it on t’shidebooahrd' ‘e’slurred, 'is face a mottled pink
Martha replied "Purr it wi t'other rubbish, under t'sink"

 

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