Doris Rogers
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Doris Rogers




Summat And Nowt

Summat And Nowt Agean 

The U.3.A.

T’New Settee

T'Owd Days In Ossett


Memories by Doris Rogers

T'years roll by, time marches on
But t'memories keep returnin'
0' t'childhood days so long ago
An' the' set mi 'eart a-yearnin'

The' wor 'appy days wi'aht a doubt
Carefree an' full o' pleasure
Wi simple things wi spent ahr time
What memories ter treasure

The' wor skippin' ropes an' whips an' tops
Noan o' them cost varry much
Wi boxes an' things wi laiked at shops
Wi a pennorth o' spice, like 'umbugs an' such

Wi 'ed a gret rope swing i' t'garden
ng dahn from a big owd tree
Wi'd swing on that from morn till neet
An' ahr 'earts wor filled wi glee

In t'summer ahr time wor spent ahtside
Wen t'long 'ahrs at t'schooil wor ovver
In t'fields wi'd go an' search arahnd
Till wi fahnd a fower leaf clover

Wi went for picnics aht i' t'wood
Wi jam sandwiches, pop an' a bun
Wi all enjoyed that varry much
An' wi din't 'alf 'ave sum fun

Once a year ther' wor t'Sunday schooil feast
Wen wi sang 'ymns an' walked all rahnd tahn
But sum ov us 'adn't gor a musical voice
Soa t'teacher listened an' looked wi a frahn

Bur it med noa difference, wi still carried on
Cos wi knew that at t'end ther' wud be
Sum sugary, fruity, long buns
An' wi 'em sum big cups o' tea

Then wi entered all t'races i' t'playgrahnd
Ther' wor prizes for them 'at run best
But then it got dark an' wi 'ad ter go ‘oam
'Appy an' tired an' in need ov a rest


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Slimming by Doris Rogers

I've dun wi'out this an dun wi'out that,
but noan on it semms to get rid of mi fat.
I dreamt I could see misen walking rahnd t'town,
wi' a sylph like figure, in a smart model gown.

But it didn't last long, an' I came down to earth,
cos I went for a new frock, an' they measured mi girth.
An' then in despair, I thought I'd get agate,
and try just once more to lose some weight.

Nah mi mate is so thin, and she cannot half eat,
feed as she will she doesn'y gain weight.
Then there's me, like a sack tied up in t'middle,
and ter me that's nowt but a bit of a riddle.

We go out for a meal, and she's tucking in there,
and there's me sat watching, just tearing mi hair.
She's got a nice big steak and some chips on a platter,
and here's me wi' some thin soup that looks like watter.

Then I thought 'bout summat that I once read,
about an old donkey that Ephram hed.
He'd just gotten it living, wi next to no feed,
when t'poor little donkey laid down and deed.

Then I said to misen that'll not happen to me,
so off I went home and had a good tea.
Ive tried all t'diets they keep putting in t'paper,
but noan of 'em can make me as thin as a wafer.

I've tried all I know to get rid of mi fat,
but I think life's too short to bother about that.
So I sat down and thowt, and came to a conclusion,
that being slim is sometimes an illusion.


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Summat And Nowt by Doris Rogers

Whativer I buy, things seem to go wrong,
no matter whativer I've bowt.
It does no good creating a song,
nor can you call it summat and nowt.

I bowt a new jumper at a vary good shop;
I saw it in t'winder an liked it a lot.
When ah got it home I fahnd a torn spot,
and that were't summat and nowt.

That jumper wern't cheap, in fact it wor pretty dear,
and for that ah'd paid quite a bit.
It shoudn't ha' been damaged at t'price at it wer,
an' that wern't summat and nowt.

Woman in t'shop looked at me in disgust,
when ah asked for mi money back.
She said "I can't do that, you'll get me the sack",
nah that tale wor all summat and nowt.

She told me ahd snagged it when trying it on,
wi mi ring or summat like that.
Ah said don't blame me for summat ah hedn't done,
cos that tale is all summat and nowt.

But ah got mi brass back, as rightly ah should,
an ah shan't go no more to that shop.
Cos once is enough to be sold faulty stuff,
an ah don't call that summat and nowt.

Another time it wor a pair of shoes that ah bowt,
an' one shoe seemed bigger than t'other.
Ah realised what hed happened, when ah got back home,
an' that wern't summat and nowt.

Nah t'assistant hed put odd shoes inta t'box,
one wor size five and t'other wor a six.
No wonder ahd got mi feet in a fix,
talk abaht summat and nowt.

So t'shoes went back for t'shop to soort aht,
t'assistant looked amazed when ah told her.
She tried to blame me, saying ah must hev odd feet,
and she said it wer summat and nowt.

But when she found t'shoe box wi t'other odd pair,
there wer nowt else she could say abaht it.
She'd to admit her mistake, and be honest and fair,
and agree it wern't all summat and nowt.


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Summat And Nowt Agean by Doris Rogers

Ah seem to be fated ter waste mi brass,
wen ah bowt a magnet cleaner for t'winders.
It wor worse ner useless, an wouldn't stick ter t'glass,
an' it turned aht ter be summat and nowt.

It fell off t'winder t'first time it wor used,
an' nearly cracked kitchen winder below.
All that left me feeling vary bemused,
an' it aint summat an nowt yer know.

Ah posted it back to where it wor made,
an' telled 'em what I thought abaht it.
It made me fair mad, to think at t'postage ahd paid,
cos that wern't summat an nowt.

Another faulty thing wor mi new oven door,
ahd only hed it a few weeks when ah noticed,
at t'oven door handle hed dropped on t'floor,
an ah doant reckon that wor summat an nowt.

I rang ter t'Gas Board fer a chap to come rahnd,
an mend it, so it could be used.
He hed a good laugh wen he saw t'handle on t'floor,
so I says "hey up, this isn't summat an nowt".

When he examined t'oven door, he said wi a grin,
"no wonder it dropped off on t'floor,
cos it wor only held on wi' this thin plastic pin",
an' that I'd call summat an nowt.


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The U.3.A. by Doris Rogers

Now as yer get older an t'years roll by
Doant sit on a lump an' 'eave a big sigh
An' wen it cums ter t'time ter retire
Just turn yersen inta a real live wire

Contact t'U3A an' A'm sure 'at yer'll find
Ther's all soarts o' 'obbies ter occupy yer mind
T'activities o' this organisation are many
An' noan on 'em 'll cost yer a pretty penny

Ther's many varied subjects ter test yer skill
An' weear ther's a way ther's allus a will
Soa go ger a leaflet an' study it thru
A'm sure 'at yer'll find ther's a lot yer c'n do

Some things 're energetic like Yoga, Swimmin' an' walkin'
An' ther's others weear yer just sit dahn an' do some talkin'
Ther's Music an' Paintin' an' t'study o' Yorkshire dialect
Wi owd Yorkshire tales an' poems ter collect

Yer c'n delve inta t'past ter trace yer kin
An' if yer lucky yer cud possibly win
Yer cud find yersel 'eir to a fortune
Or it cud turn out ter bi your misfortune

Fer them 'at's studious ther's foreign languages ter study
But ter do that yer've ter bi no fuddy duddy
Whatever yer choose yer'll enjoy every meetin'
Soa join an' yer'll ger a reight cheery greetin'

Remain young in 'eart an' mind
Join U3A - ther's all this ter find


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T’New Settee by Doris Rogers

Nah recently Ah decided 'at Ah'd like a new settee
So off Ah went for t'January sales an' mi heart wor filled wi glee
Bur Ah nivver thowt 'at gerrin' one 'ud bi such a lotta bother
Cos wen it cem it got stuck i' t'passage an' wudn't move one way nor t t'other
Yer see Ah live in a flat an' t'passage int reight wide
Cos the's a lot o' gret big cubbards all dahn either side
Two chaps browt t'settee an' the' managed it thru t'dooar
But just inside one tripped on t'mat an' 'e fell dahn on t'flooar
The' knocked a bit off t'top o' t'dooar but sed it wudn't matter
Cos nob'dy ud Iuk up theear so the' telled me not ter natter
Ah've to walk sideways for get thru t'passage missen
So wot wor gunna 'appen wi two big 'efty men
An' a settee 'at wor nearly twice as wide as t'space it 'ad ter pass
Ah just stood theear bewildered an' thowt "Ee, Ah've wasted all mi brass"
T'chaps 'ed ter do a removal job afooar the' gor it thru
The' tugged an' pulled an' the'r language became rather blue
Ah thowt Ah'd measured it fer size but Ah musta med a slip
Cos that big settee in t'little room looked like a gret big ship
But nah it's theear it'll 'ave tor stop an' Ah'il ev ter mend mi ways
Cos it luks as if Ah'm gunna bi stuck wi that settee for t'rest o' mi days


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T'Owd Days In Ossett by Doris Rogers

Sin ah joined t'dialect group,ah've thowt many a time,
to write summat in dialect,that might be in rhyme.

T'other neet ah wor sat in t'chair by missen,
just nodding an doazin, when suddenly then 
mi thowts drifted back t'olden days,
and how they'd changed in lots of ways.

An a lot hesn't altered noan for the best,
but at least we all hed ahr minds at rest.
Ahr children dare lake aht in t'local park,
an t'old folks weren't flaid of being mugged in t'dark.

An streets were free for 'em all to roam,
their pleasures were simple, an not far from home.
There were parties wi' buns, an jellies an' jam,
an' if they were lucky, a bit of boiled ham.

It wern't a continual rahnd of pleasure,
wi discos, tellies, an' videos for good measure.
Wi simple things they wor allus content,
they hadn't much brass, an t'pennies wor soin spent.

A treat once a week wor a visit t'pictures,
an they sat there entranced, as if they wor fixtures.
It wor nobbut tupence in t'first four rows,
but seats wern't vary comfortable for long, tha knows.

Tha got a crick in t'neck thru watching t'big screen,
so t'lads tried to sneak back baht being seen.
Nah t'ushers didn't think that this wor reight funny,
but t'lads wor aware that it cost more money.

They knew it cost sixpence to sit back up there,
an' that wor more brass than they could spare.
They shouted and cheered and enjoyed themselves reight,
but it all came to an end, when they turned aht at eight.

So off for a visit t'Pea Hoil across t'town,
to get a supper of brown peas an' tripe bits down.
Then on the road home, to complete their pleasure,
a pennorth of chips, wi bits on for good measure.