Nellie Dockar

A'm bahn ter mi sister's fer teea terday,
An' Ah knaw Ah'll bi evvin' some tripe.
Ah dooant meean t' sooart wi onions,
But 'er wi t' tales of 'er life.

Shoo does goa on abaht this an' that,
Ah can't gerra word i' edgeways.
Sometahmes shoo tawks ter mi as tho'
Ah didn't exist in t' owd days.

Ah tell 'er Ah wor theer as weel,
But does shoo teck onny 'eed?
Does shoo heck! Shoo just carries on
Until shoo's finished 'er spiel.

Some fowk think the' knaw it all,
An' mi sister's such a one.
Soa Ah sit theer an' nod mi heead
An' reckon Ah'm evvin' fun.

A Trip Ter T'Statley Hooam by Nellie Dockar
(It is a true incident which happened to my late husband and myself a long time ago.)

Mi owd man an' me decided ter goa
On a hauf-day trip, fer a change.
Soa Ah sent 'im ter book two seeats
On a coach 'at wor goin' ter t' Dales.

When 'e cem back 'e sed, "Sorry! mi lass,
Ther booked up fer t' trip 'at wi wanted,
Soa Ah've getten two tickets fer us ter rooam
Throo 'Castle Howard' a grand Stately Hooam."

Trip day cem rahnd; wi went early ter queue,
An' grab best seeats, ter gerra gooid view.
Wi wor leukin' forrard ter seein' this House,
'Cos Ah'd nivver bin, an' nor ed mi spouse.

Hahivver, when t' tahme cem fer us ter bi theer,
Ahr driver stopped an' sed, "Leuk fowks, Ah fear,
Ah'm new on this route an' Ah'm goin' ter fail,
Ter finnd this Hooam, soa wi'll goa rahnd t' Dales!"

Wi decahded last year on Bonfire Neet,
That wi'd ev a reight gooid do.
Soa wi axed us friends ter come rahnd
An' bring ther mates along too.

Wi ed rooast spuds, an' parkin an' firewarks,
Sparklers, bangers an' rockets ter leet.
Wi wor goin' ter enjoy ahr party
An' mek it a reight gooid treat.

But wi didn't cahnt on mi 'usband,
Who decahded a rocket ter leet.
Ee cudn't finnd a container,
Soa med a 'oile int grahnd - varry neet!

Ee lit his taper an' gingerly,
Went forrard, touch paper ter leet,
But asteead o' rocket goin' upward,
It exploded on t' grahnd - wot a seet!

Ee ed a big 'oile in his jumper,
An' a face 'at wor ivver soa red.
An' t others worn't reight suited
Wi t' oiles in ther clooas, an' sed:

"We're goin' nah an' dooant expect us
Ter come ter yor do next year.
If yer can't do better wi' yer rockets
Yor'll bi goin' upwards yersen, wi fear!"

Ah ed a phooane call t'other day
Thru a friend o' mine called May.
Ter thank ma fer a card Ah'd sent
Ter wish 'er a "Happy Birthday".

Ah wor raither capped ter get this call,
Fer Ah edn't sent nooa card.
Ah ed ter say Ah didn't knaw
Abaht 'er Birthday - or when it wor.

Shoo lewked at card shoo thowt wor mine,
It wor thru a 'Nellie' - yer see.
But lewkin' at it ageean shoo fahnd'
It wor another 'Nellie' - not me.

Shoo sed it wor i' three day's tahme,
Sooa Ah thowt Ah'd send 'er a card,
An' mek a nooate on mi calendar
Ter remahnd ma o' when it wor.

Some day when tha's nowt ter do,
Tha can ger up them stairs an' fix that loo.
It's bin leakin' nah since 'eaven knaws when,
An' tha knaws dahn weel Ah can't do it me-sen.

Ah'm fed up o' waitin' ter git things done,
While tha gooas aht an' es thee fun.
It's time tha pulled thee socks up, lad,
An' tackled t' jobs afooar they git too bad.

Cos if tha dunt Ah'll git t' plumber ter come,
An' t' joiner, an' t' painter; they'll ger 'em done.
An' tha knaws what'll 'appen ter thee, ahr Will.
Tha'll ev ter cough up an' settle t' bill.

When Ah Wor A Young Un by Nellie Dockar
(came third in the Mrs Sunderland competition)

When Ah wor a young un ther wor nooa rushin' abaht,
Yer tuk ter t' slow lane wi t' hoss an' cart.
Yer cud travel fer miles wiart bein' passed
Bi cars, buses an' lorries which gooa sooa fast
It's a wonder ther dooant meet thersens ont way back.

When Ah wor a young un ther wor nooa television,
Cat's whisker, then t' wireless, nooa viewin' just listen.
Except at news-time when ahr fatther ud say,
"Shut yer gob, git yer coit on an' gooa aht ter play",
Cos ee wanted ter knaw what ed 'appened that day.

When Ah wor a young un we'd gooa ter t' pictures.
Charlie Chaplin, Laurel an' Hardy, they ed us i' stitches.
T' cowboys wor fav'rites, Roy Rogers an' Tom Mix.
Aye! wi didn't 'alf enjoy ahr visit ter t' flicks.
Ivvery Setda, baht fail, is ah we gor ahr kicks.

When Ah wor a young un wi showed some respect
Fer ahr fatther an' mother, or else wi' expect
Ter gerrra claht rahnd earoil, or bi sent ter bed,
"Till wi larned ter behave us-sens", ahr fatther sed.
An' that wor t' lesson on which wi wor bred.

An' if young uns terday wor browt up like us,
Ther'd bi nooa tekkin' drugs ter give 'em a 'buzz'.
An' t' streets ud bi safer fer fowks ter walk dahn
Wiart fear o' bein' mugged an' suffer bodily harm.
Wudn't it bi grand if this lesson wor larned?