Len Wilde
Home Up Gertie Alden Daz Beattie Thomas Blackah Ron Chipman Nellie Dockar Adele C. Geraghty Bert Greensmith Joyce Haigh Fred Hirst Sandra Mills F.W.Moorman Gerald O'Neill Kathleen Parsons Howard Peach Dennis Rhodes Doris Rogers Audrey Siddall John Stott Brenda Watson Len Wilde Benny Wilkinson Janice Witton Cliff Young Miscellaneous

 

My Father's Thrift

Len Wilde

 

Len was a (fairly) normal person until the day he retired, at which point he started to discover his roots, using such words as 'thee', 'thine' and 'sither'. I suspect he somehow saw himself as old Amos sitting in the corner of the pub bringing the young 'uns, and anyone else who could afford the price of a half pint of mild, up to speed on from whence they came. 

He took a keen interest in Yorkshire Dialect and Genealogy, helped to transcribe the Census ready for computer acceptance, and was a very active member of the U3A in his native Ossett. 
He was a true Yorkshire-man who once found a packet of five razor blades in the street, obviously escaped from a passing  shopping bag, and not wanting to miss out on this gift from the gods promptly bought the razor to match !. 
This is a true story and one of these days someone will cajole me into extending this anthology to cover the many other instances of his thrift, as he truly fitted the description of a Yorkshire-man being akin to a Scotsman but devoid of their natural generosity.

Len took his final retirement at the age of 86, in his kitchen whilst grabbing a ham sandwich in between coming in from a morning U3A meeting, and going out to attend another some such gathering in the afternoon, and the best I can wish you all is that you are as active as he was in the twilight of your years.

This site was created partly as a tribute to Len (mi dad, and mi bruvvers dad) and all his many friends who share and shared his interests.

 

My Horoscope

Nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it

There's nivver nowt but what there's summat

Tracing t'Family History  

My Horoscope by Len Wilde 

Monday
First thing ah do when ah get out of mi bed,
is to consult mi horoscope for t'day.
"I've to avoid all quarrels an upsets" it said;
so mi old man hed better keep aht of mi way.

Tuesday
"When moons in reight quarter, things fall into place",
they needn't tell me that, cos ah said "sitha,
mi husband fell dahn t'stairs when he tripped on a lace,
and darned near made me a widda".

Wednesday
"Tonight there's to be an important social event",
I can't see this happening to me.
Walking home eating fish and chips, could hardly be meant;
but it's all t'social event ah shall see.

Thursday
"Today, you'll be in the limelight once more".
I was, but ah felt a bit of a wally,
cos a pile of tins in t'supermarket store,
was sent for a burton wi' mi trolley.

Friday
"Improvements are pending, you're aware of your own luck",
but wi' my luck ahl nivver hev enough brass.
There's niver nowt gained by being moonstruck,
so instead of that theer caviar, ahl just hev beef hash.

Saturday
"Today you'll be reckless and exitable".
Its funny how these things come about.
I could have been more generous an reliable,
if I'd been born two days earlier, no doubt.

 

horizontal rule

 

Nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it by Len Wilde 

There's old Yorkshire sayings, some apt and some not,
but some of these sayings are not short of wit.
The one that sticks in mi mind, I nivver forgot,
that nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it.

Nah t'wife starts to say, that I've got overweight,
ever sin I stopped warking in t'pit.
But I doant tak kindly to her rationing mi meat,
cos nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it.

When tha's been dahn t'garden, doing all t'digging,
and at thy age, tha's thinking, thar noan reight fit.
But owt's better ner listening to t'wife an her nagging,
then nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it.

When tha's hed a good dinner, an off dahn for thi ale,
and meet wi thi mates, and hev a natter a bit.
When tha's dahned one or two, tha can tell a good tale,
and nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it.

Mi pigeon loft's full, till it's standing room only,
they queue to get in as soin as they leet.
They know once inside, they'll nivver be lonely,
but nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it.

But there comes a time, in the near by and by,
when they need sorting aht quite a bit.
Then t'fatest will go to mak nice pigeon pie,
so nowt does ony harm if tha doesn't overdo it.

 

horizontal rule

 

There's nivver nowt but what there's summat by Len Wilde

Weshings all dun and hung aht on t'line,
wi a nice bit a druft to dry 'em just fine.
When t'woman next door's getting her chimney swept,
I looked at mi clothes line an' nearly wept.
There's nivver nowt but what there's summat.

I'd just got mi doorsteps all nice and clean,
and ruddled all t'flags at t'front in between.
When up rolled coilman wi a load a coil,
to ruin t'results of mi sweat an toil.
There's nivver nowt but what there's summat.

Club trip to Brid. wor a bit of a flop,
Driver got lost, and t'rain wouldn't stop.
We finished up in Hull docks instead,
we'd a been a sight better stopping in bed.
There's nivver nowt but what there's summat.

I thowt mi luck hed changed on mi Bingo neet,
I looked at mi card an' couldn't believe mi own seet.
I tried to shout "House", but got stuck on a sweat,
cos t'toffee I wor chewing stuck to mi top set.
There's nivver nowt but what there's summat.

Mothers Union wor heving a bit of a do,
they cum rahnd wi raffle tickets, so I bowt one or two.
I won t'first prize, it wasn't what I wor told,
who wants six dozen nappies at 60 year old.
There's nivver nowt but what there's summat.

I went to Joe Simsons funeral do,
they allus do things reight.
But boiled ham went rahned while I wor in t'loo,
and I wor left wi only t'potted meat.
There's nivver nowt but what there's summat.

 

horizontal rule

 

Tracing t'Family History by Len Wilde

There's nowt so catching as I can see,
Than tracing t'rooits of your family tree.
Some are shalla, some are deep,
while sum would mak the vary Angels weep.

If th'art ony good at jigsaw, th'as a reight good start,
It might save thee ending wi' a broken heart.
It isn't where tha starts, but its where tha'll end,
If tha're not careful, tha'll be driven round t'bend.

Tha might find riches, tha might find nowt,
Or tha might find more scandal than tha ever thowt.
Tha might find a villain, tha might find a duke,
but tha's got to go on, and have a reight look.

Tha needn't be descended from prominent folk,
so if tha thinks tha're from Royalty, its just a joke.
Tha could come from a Bishop, but I much doubt that,
cos tha'd need a big head to fit his tall hat.

Thi folks might be at top of t'social scale,
or all have done time in t'local jail.
But come what may, tha'r sure to find,
they'll have left traces of their living behind.

Now look further back at t'work at they did,
in case any were hanged ?? heaven forbid.
Try t'pawnbrokers union, or t'Fishmongers Fed,
or they could hev been working in t'weaving shed.

Tha'll find uncles and aunts, and cousins galore,
and some at tha's never heard on before.
So afore tha gets lost among all these relations,
remember, what tha needs is plenty of patience.

Why couldn't they settle all in one spot ? 
so its easier for us to find all the lot. 
No "great this and great that" they'd all be numbered,
to save wading thro t'archives with which we're lumbered.

There's no doubt about it, let it be said,
no matter however tha's found to be bred,
tha owes it t'family that comes after thee,
to open up t'roots of t'old family tree.

So don't be put off wi' this tale of woe,
just mak a start and have a go,
or tha'll never know what mystery 
lies hidden in t'roots of thi family tree.